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Nothing like the stress relieving aspect of a beautifull koi pond with colorfull fish and croaking
frogs, and that wonderfull sound of water cascading down the rock surfaces and falling rythmatically
onto the water surface. How nice to lie in bed at night with the windows open and fall asleep to
the magic sound of the waterfall dancing on the rocks. Of course I have to imagine mostly what that
would sound like at night because I built the damn pond so far from the house I need binoculars
just to see it.
Now back to fact that a koi pond is a great stress reliever. Lord knows my life is one giant stress
ball rolling down a steep hill to hell at break-neck speed. I will spare you all of the details of the world
that I live in. Let me just say that I built this pond with the idea of elimimnating the stress that
is my life.
There was the early pond days, where I was actually planning and creating my pond heaven. It
started with using a hand shovel to dig a 30 foot long 16 foot wide kidney shaped hole in the ground.
No back ho for me, no sir I wanted to get the full expierience of this project. I wanted to be able to say,
" I did this by hand, keeping myself fit and healthy with every shovel full of of dirt and stone that I could
force out of the ground". I couldn't wait to get this 28" deep creation finished so I could toss in a liner
and begin adding water then finally the fish.
But water and fish would have to wait, as I learned that my body could only take so much. Hours
turned into days and days into weeks and weeks...well you get the picture. By the end of the third week of digging I was unable to grasp a fork, or pencil, or pretty much anything for that mattter. I began
to lose weight from the heavy amount of sweat that all of this manual labor was producing. ( I have
pretty much sat on my ass at work for the last 35 years or so). I found myself wheezing loudly during
most of the digging wich seemed to attract a random species of birds that began to perch near by
and call to me as they mistook my wheezing for some exotic new breed of bird or turkey.
Other birds began to stop by on the 5th week. I think they call them turkey buzzards. These
interesting lagre ugly birds began to circle overhead daily getting lower and lower. I think they
were just curious to see what I was doing. I soon noticed that they were wearing bibs and carried
silverware.
Alas the hole was finished. I even left an island in the middle. The island was a nice touch,
and lets face it, just that much less dirt to shovel. Now it was time to put the pond liner in
place. I purchased a 40'X20' piece of rubber liner, courtesy of good year tire. It only weighed
300 punds. Who knew??? Lucky for me the fellow that sold me this water holding hunk of
rubber offerd to come out to the house after work and help me drag it into place.
Piece of cake! We spread it over the hole in the ground and in less than ane hour....I had
my first ever legitimate hernia. If you haven't had one ( not a pond, a hernia ) you should try it.
I have since had surgery to repair it, but the term repair is a much overused word. I think they
just moved it to another location. Now with every move I make for the rest of my life I can
be reminded of how much fun pond building can be.
Once filled with water I began adding these wonderfull little ( and sometimes big ) fish called
koi. The frogs showed up on their own, attracted I guess by the sound of the falling water.
My family was really impressed by my creation and visited the pond often....for the first few
days...then never again.
So life was good. I sat back to enjoy my little piece of heaven. Then they showed up. Them!
The demons from hell sent to destroy what I had created. Stess soon took on a whole new life.
Large winged creatures called Blue Herons began to visit the pond. "Oh look how cute they are"!
Look as they stab my koi and my frogs with ther long spear like beaks. Look at the carnage they leave
behind. What is too big to eat they leave lying next to the pond, dying or dead. Oh but I guess
it is just part of the cycle of life. Just like the 48" water snakes that travel half way across the globe
just to visit my pond, eat my frogs, scare the living crap out of me as I startle one sunning itself
on a warm rock. Oh yes the belted kingfisher has joined the fun. How majestic this little s--t is
as he dives into the water only to emerge with a small fish in his mouth. He rests on the bridge
rail ( I knew I put that bridge there for a reason) and proceeds to bash this little fish against the
wooden railing untill it's lifeless body is ready to be swallowed whole. How cute!
Then of course the night visitor. The cute little racoon. You should see the mess he makes of
my $30 red and white koi. It is not uncommon to find a coil of intestines with a few shiny fish
scales lying on the rocks come daybreak.
My neighbor has a black lab that weighs more than I do (I told you I lost weight digging this thing)
and he spends many days diving into my pond and causing any remaining fish to need therapy to deal
with such trauma.
Now it turns out that I have a magic pond. Really I do! I go to the local garden center and pick
out two or three small koi maybe 5" long. I ease them into their new surroundings, then spend the
next few months wondering where the hell they went. My own little version of the Bermuda Triangle
right here in my back yard.
Hard to sleep anymore knowing at anytime there are predators eating my little friends out at
my pond. I spend hours scanning the pond with binoculars from my living room wondering " is
that a heron standing in the weeds or just a shadow". " What's that moving through the water,
a large snake... perhaps just a stick"?
First rule of adding fish to your pond...Do not name the fish. Naming a fish is a death warrant.
It also makes your friends worry about your mental health when you begin talking to your fish on a
personal level, calling them by name. Remember, a heron will seek out any fish that has been named.
You may have one particular fish that survives years in your pond defying all the odds. You become
attatched to this little survivor. You name him "Lucky". So long Lucky!
So if you are looking for a great stress free hobby, one that will buy you a little piece of
heaven, stick with chips and tokens. Chances are they won't get eaten. I don't see you
running out after a freezing ice storm pouring hot water on your chips ( yes I have had
to pour hot water into my pond as tempratures dropped to sub zero).
If I had it to do over again I think I would just strike myself in the head with something
hard, several times maybe. I find that the stress of having koi pond is imense. What
prdators are having their way with my little friends while I am miles away at work?
Is the ice on the pond too thick? Did I make the pond deep enough for my fish to
escape winters ravage? Will I ever regain the feeling in my haands? Should I
have added that last fish to the pond, the one with the big open sores??? Probably not!
Happy chippin everyone!
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