PS - Don't try to find me...Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together...Have a great life.

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. I did notice your hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my Sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50.00 from me that morning... and your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the Lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica - But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me, so take care.

Signed... Rich as Hell and Free.

PS - I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that is not a problem.