SENSIBLE OBSERVATIONS . . .

1. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep -- not screaming like all the passengers in his car." --Author Unknown

2. Advice for the Day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown

3. "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey

4. "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever set sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5. "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry

6. "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone

7. "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills then men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh." --Conah O'Brien

8. "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I"m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, On My! I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

9. "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

10. "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson

11. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us georgraphy." --Paul Rodriguez

12. "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

13. "Bigamy is having one wife/husband and too many. Monogamy is the same" --Oscar Wilde

14. "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain (Great One!!)

15. "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown

16. "Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased