You live in Florida if:

You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.

You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen
drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the
plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you
say it has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

The road leading to your house has been declared a 'No-Wake'
Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on
the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane
and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain;
today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your
homeowner's insurance policy.

You can rattle off the names of three or more
meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel and
every single newscaster and reporter at all of the
major stations in town.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer,
fence builder, or a tree worker.

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily
mean it's Christmas.

You know the difference between the "good side" of a
storm and the "bad side."