>> > The Not - So - Friendly Skies
>> >
>> > All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
>> > "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are
> some
>> > real examples that have been heard or reported:
>> >
>> > 1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit
> where
>> > you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when
>> > a
>> > flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
>> > furniture
>> > here, find a seat and get in it!"
>> >
>> > 2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
>> > the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
>> > cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is
>> > for
>> > your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
>> >
>> > 3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
>> > your
>> > belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
>> > something we'd like to have.
>> >
>> > 4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
> ways
>> > out of this airplane"
>> >
>> > 5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
>> > giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>> >
>> > 6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
> lone
>> > voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>> >
>> > 7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
>> > Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
> take
>> > care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing
> like
>> > that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
>> >
>> > 8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
>> > Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
>> > into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
>> > belt;
>> > and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
>> > out
>> > in
>> > public unsupervised."
>> >
>> > 9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
>> > descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
> over
>> > your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your
> mask
>> > before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one
>> > small child, pick your favorite."
>> >
>> > 10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
>> > clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
> and
>> > remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
>> > Airlines."
>> >
>> > 11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event
>> > of
>> > an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with
> our
>> > compliments."
>> >
>> > 12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
>> > belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
>> > flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>> >
>> > 13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
>> > pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
>> > Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
>> >
>> > 14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
>> > Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
>> > was
>> > quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you
> it
>> > wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
>> > flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
>> >
>> > 15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
>> > a
>> > particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
>> > Captain
>> > was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
>> > Flight
>> > Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
>> > remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain
>> > taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
>> >
>> > 16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
>> > "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
>> > us to the terminal."
>> >
>> > 17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
>> > hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
>> > policy
>> > which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
> Passengers
>> > exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said
>> > that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
>> > passengers
>> >in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally
>> >everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a
>> >cane.
>> > She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am,"
>> > said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land,
> or
>> > were we shot down?"
>> >
>> > 18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came
>> > on
>> > with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
>> > Crash
>> > and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
>> > gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
>> > silenced,
>> > we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
>> > the terminal."
>> >
>> > 19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
>> > thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
> the
>> > insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
> tube,
>> > we hope you'll think of US Airways."
>> >
>> > 20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you
>> > wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and
> if
>> > you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."