News flash:

The year 2029

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the STRONG Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

* Postal Services raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight
loss.

* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

And last but certainly not the least...

* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.