Mr. Trimble-I have tried to respond to your inquiries as best I can. If there is any doubt about my positions on your questions, I will have my P.R. manager, Mr. Dan Rather, fax you all the supporting documents from my personal files.

Where do you stand on Iraq? Is it a good or a bad war. It depends if they find the stash of “Grand Opening Flamingo Hilton July 1, 1977” chips that were carted off to Baghdad years ago. Maybe this WMD fella has them.

Have you ever served in the National Guard? No, but I always wanted to see the Nacional Hotel in Havana in it’s finest hour. Honorable Discharge? No, but I have fired some blanks at the dice tables before.

What about Swift Boats, know anything about them? The only “Boats” I have been on lately aren’t swift, they never leave the dock! I think Jack Binion sold all of the swift ones to Harrah’s.

Have you ever seen a WMD? Don’t know him, but I have met M.B. Dalitz and J.K. Houssels.

Is it true you once had a high school sweetheart with the last name of Ben Laden? Maybe she was the one with the beard. Never could remember her name.

Thank you for your support!