... well, more funny lawyer stuff, anyway.

Lawyer: Are you married?
Witness: No, I'm divorced.
Lawyer: What did your husband do before you divorced him?
Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.

Bystander: Did you lawyer give you bad advice?
Plaintiff: No, I paid for it.

Attorney: Have you heard anything about this case?
Potential Juror: No.
Attorney: Have you read anything about this case?
P.J. I can't read.
Attorney: Do you have an opinion on this case?
P.J. What case are you talking about?
Attorney: I'll accept this one for the jury, Your Honor.

A man walked into a bar with a crocodile and asked, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"We sure do," the bartender answered.
"Good," the man said. "I'll have a beer and my croc will have the lawyer."

Lawyer: So, you are unconscious and they pulled you from the bucket. What happened then.
Witness: Mr. Steward gave me artificial insemination. You know, mouth to mouth.

Lawyer: When was the last time you saw Michael?
Witness: At his funeral.
Lawyer: Did he make any comments to you at that time?

Lawyer: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Opposing Counsel: Objection, Your Honor. That question should be taken out and shot.

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there any girls?

Judge: Do you want a bench trial or a jury trial?
Defendant: Jury trial.
Judge: Do you understand the difference?
Defendant: Sure. A jury trial is where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one.

Widow: Are you the judge or reprobate?
Judge: I am the judge of probate.
Widow: You're the one. My husband died detested and left me several little infidels. I want to be their executioner.

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

----- jim o\-S