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Q: When will you see a pole with a worm at both ends?
A: When you go fishing with a lawyer.
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Q: What do you call a dozen sky-diving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
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Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?
A. To sue the chicken on the other side.
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Q. Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A. New Jersey got to choose.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The diphthong.
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Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
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Q: What is a lawyer's ideal weight?
A: About five pounds, including the urn.
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Q: How do you get a lawyer down from a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
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Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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Q: What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
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Q: Why are lawyers' brains so expensive?
A: It takes so many to make an ounce.
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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 75?
A: Your honor.
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Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A. Accountants know they're boring.
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Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
A: An impossibility.
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Q: Why should you swerve to avoid hitting a lawyer on a bicycle?
A: That bicycle might be yours!
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Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
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Q: What do you have when you have a lawyer up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a pothole?
A: People will try to avoid hitting a pothole.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a wheelbarrow full of crap?
A: The wheelbarrow.
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Q: What's the difference between an accident and a calamity?
A: It's an accident when a bus full of lawyers plunges off the road into a river. It's a calamity if they can swim.
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