My roommate ordered a cow bell quite some months ago, but it never arrived. Mis-delivered by Shamazon, or "porch pirates" grabbed it and ran. So he installed a motion-activated musical chime at the front door and now we hear every time a parcel is dropped off. I yell out, "Cowbell" and Greg goes running to grab whatever it may be. (Of course, it never is the missing cow bell.)

Well, I told Greg I was gonna get him a Cow for Christmas. (He did not want a Pony.) I plan on ringing the bell on Christmas Eve and mooing. That's why I had to get to a Swap Meet before they all closed down - where else could you find a decently-priced used cow bell? All sorts of musical instruments turn up at Kobey's. Surfboards, too. So you could get a ukulele and surf in playing it like Duke Kahanamoku (ask Quintin Kamm about him).

Now don't nobody tell Greg about his Xmas surprise. It'll be more fun than George Bailey getting a basket full of money!