Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh,
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe Spivey.
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner.
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators.
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunk mate has malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy.
They're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh,
Take me home, I hate Granada,
Don't leave me out here in the forest, where
I might get eaten by a bear.

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day.

Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah,
How's my precious little Bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me.
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kis me.

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing.
Playing baseball, gee that's better.
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!