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For All You Slightly Old People

ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA?
ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING?
REALLY?

ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have
an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they
didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar. And they think they are worth
$15.00 per hour.)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the
lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one
of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between
our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she
could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and
pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was
using the ATM thingy.
(Keep shuddering!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door
un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys
o me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
(PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself!)

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost
out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put
it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
(A Brunette, by the way!)

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should
be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'
(Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!)

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 5 PM .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
11. You can't remember who sent you this list.
12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

And remember, never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same evening!
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