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And lo, in the year 2015, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living
in the United States, and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the
ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard, but there was no ark.

"Noah! I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed
a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I have violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations."

Pausing, Noah continued: "We had to go to the Development Appeals
Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the
sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a
ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls, but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. They argued that the accommodations were too
restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

Pausing again, Noah continued, "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking
the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades
unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS
seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy
the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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