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Yesterday I was at The Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees)
Publix Supermarket, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal
pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What? Did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that
no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that
I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her
that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to
load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified),
so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and
a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.
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