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Holiday Drinking Warning

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed
on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding
down a pint or two.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with
breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
butt-hole.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH
YOUR HEAD IN.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss
what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office
Christmas party.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and / or name
you can't remember).

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burn on the forehead.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy
named Psycho.
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