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True Laws Guiding Humanity

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in
will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone
rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically whenever you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats
are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave
their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early
before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle
seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and
stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very
surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2people in a locker room, they
will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost
of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you
are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a
product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the
doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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