.
.
Ebad, a somewhat shy but always irrepressible gentleman from the midwest,
sent this collection…

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old, draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back, “I don't know. I'll come up and see.” She starts up
the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters,
she shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on
wood.” She then yells, “I'll come up and help both of you just as soon as I see
who's at the door.”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn't it?”

'No,” the second man replied, “it's Thursday.”

And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let's have a beer.”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she
walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.”

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she
said, “Supersex.”

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I'll take the soup.”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had
shared all kinds of memorable activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now
don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please
tell me what your name is.”

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes. She just stared and glared at
her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard
on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be
very careful!”

“Heck,” said Herman, “It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over
the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure
that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and again
they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap! Am I driving?”

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!