.
.
Abie, a shy and retiring gentleman who lives southwest, sent this one about telephone
conversations at various call centers...

Actual call center conversations!

Customer: I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through.
Can you help?
Operator: Where did you get that number, sir?
Customer: It's on the door of your business.
Operator: Sir, those are the hours that we are open.
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.
Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?
Operator: I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in Australia ?”
Operator: Does the policy name give you a clue?”
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Caller inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe:
"If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I have to
change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?”
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Directory Inquiries
Caller: I”d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is
correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the B fell off.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure, Madam?
Caller: Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland...
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
told a worried operator:
“I haven/t got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.”
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Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure. You told me to write click and I wrote click.
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Tech Support: OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the
OK button displayed?”
Customer: Wow! How can you see my screen from there?
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Caller: I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So,
if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. This techie should have been
promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say
the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect
organization for Termination without Cause.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Techie: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?
Caller: Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.
Techie: What sort of trouble??
Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Techie: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared
Techie: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: Nothing.
Techie: Nothing??
Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
Techie: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Techie: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Caller: Whats a sea-prompt?
Techie: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
Caller: There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Techie: Does your monitor have a power indicator??
Caller: Whats a monitor?
Techie: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have
a little light that tells you when its on?
Caller: I don't know.
Techie: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Techie: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall..
Caller: Yes, it is.
Techie: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Caller: No.
Techie: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Caller: Okay, here it is.
Techie: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can't reach.
Techie: OK. Well, can you see if it is?
Caller: No.
Techie: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Caller: Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.
Techie: Dark?
Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Techie: Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can't.
Techie: No? Why not?
Caller: Because there's a power failure.
Techie: A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?
Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..
Techie: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when
you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?
Techie: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Techie: Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!
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