Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring
the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long
Beach, California would-be robber, James Elliot, did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting
negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he
also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably,
he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the twenty
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for three days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received
from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he
was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.00.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder
block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a
positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan at 5 AM, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said
he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by
sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
NCR ~ Saturday Humor... 12:49 AM, EDT 
