.
.
EllieMae, a gracious lady from the Deep South, sent this one about a
redneck in the US Marines.

A Redneck Joins The Marines

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps
beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all
of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6:00 AM, but I
am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast
is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash
to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on
trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops,
potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and
Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus
yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys
can't walk much.

We go on route marches, which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden
us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A route march is about as
far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back
in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school
board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting.
I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move,
and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie
there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges - They
come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with
them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like
fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for
that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the
same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300
pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this
setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice