By Terry Shaffer
June, 2009

Scene I: "In the Beginning"

Brian (Sir Splash-A-Lot) and I had spoken a number of times about taking a run down to the Ultra New Town Tavern. It all started about a year and a half ago, when Ross (Puff Daddy P) Poppel and I had taken a drive over and took some pictures of the outside of the place. Ross decided that our bright copper colored station wagon/baby PT Cruiser wanna be should be protected, therefore, it was best he stay in it, with the motor running.

Perhaps it was the nice young man with the blue bandana and tattooed letters across each of his fingers that helped Ross with that choice, or maybe it was the nice looking older gentleman with the quart sized bottle wrapped up in a brown paper bag. Either way, I, on the other hand, decided to get out of the car and snap a few pictures from across the street.

I posted those pictures on the chipboard and that's when Brian said “Let's go down and actually go inside”. I was all for the idea, since Brian is about the size of Herman Munster, while I am about the size of Pee Wee Herman.

Scene II: "The Plan"

Brian and I speak once again during this year’s convention about going over to the New Town Tavern. I (in a moment of alcoholic bravery) boldly state "sure thing, let's do it".

John Chopek then sees me at my table (where I was selling the Collectors Assistant-the best darned casino collectibles database program in the entire civilized world, still only $49.95) during the convention and informs me that he has spoken to Brian and...... as an extra added bonus, he has called over to the Ultra New Town Tavern to ask if they were open, what time the games started, and if they had chips. As it turned out, they were open, and yes, come down and we could get in a game and get chips. Now, mind you, my 20-20 hindsight now makes me think John’s idea of getting some chips, and the guy he spoke with on the phone's idea were probably completely different. But.... I digress. The Plan: the four of us will meet up at the Splash Bar, and head out on our adventure. We will maybe play a little poker, and get lots and lots of chips, make new friends and have a wonderful time.

Scene III: "Terry, Ross, Brian and John head out to the wild side of town."

We pull up to beautiful Ultra New Town Tavern and park in their gravel parking lot across the street. To our surprise, we pulled up right into a Baptist revival meeting complete with megaphones, and the echoes of "CAN I GET AN AMEN !!!

Ok, no problem...... we're here on a mission of our own: Chips For Jesus!

We pile out of the car, and head across the street to the "casino". I make sure that Ross is still with us, and hasn't decided to join in with the revival meeting.

Scene IV: "Into the Darkness"

I quickly open the door and walk in like I own the place with Brian, John and Ross right behind me. Blinded by the darkness, I take a moment to let my eyes adjust, and see that there is a poker table to the left with one guy reading a paper, and another sitting there half asleep. Along the same left side wall running towards the back is a bar with a couple of very large gentleman sitting and a woman reading a National Inquirer and a tiny cashier’s cage to the back right. The entire place is about 50 feet x 50 feet. Onward to the cage!

As I finally complete the long eight second walk to the back of the casino (tavern) and I safely arrive at the cage. I lean over and take a peek in, but it’s empty. At that point, the woman asks me “do you need something?” This woman must have been related to the nice young man hanging around outside, because she also had quite a few tattoos to go along with her piercing. I simply reply: “Hi…….yes, I’d like to just get a couple of chips”

Scene V: “The Beginning of the End”

Here stand the four of us: Brian; who looks like a State Trooper, John; who could pass for a Gaming Control Agent, Ross; who must surely be able to take a look into the legitimacy of the electronics of any slot machine, and Me. I’m sure I look like something or other, but not exactly sure what. I’m thinking either a low budget out of work po.rn star or the owner of a pawn shop.

It’s been almost 2 months now, so to the best of my recollection, the conversation went like this:

Cage/Bar Woman: “do you need something?”
Terry: “Hi…….yes, I’d like to just get a couple of chips”
Cage/Bar Woman: “we don’t sell chips here”
Terry: “It doesn’t look like the game is going. I just wanted to get a couple.
Cage/Bar Woman: “no, you can’t get any chips here”
Terry: “Well how about if I get into a game?
Cage/Bar Woman: “no….you can’t have any chips even if you are at the table.

This is where the two very large gentleman walk up behind her as back up. This is also where I turn and tell Brian, “ok, I think we’re about done, let’s head out.” I turn, and we all walk out.

Scene VI “Blinded By the Light”

Out from the darkness and into the light we go. It was like emerging from a cave. The warm sunshine and the echoes from across the street….”Can I Get An Amen!! Halleluiah”!! John: Chips for Jesus!
We get across the street to the parking lot and I decide I’m not going home empty handed. I tell John to pull the car up front and wait for me….I’m going back in.

My camera gets pulled out and turned on and I go in….letting my eyes adjust for 5 seconds. I lift up the camera and snap a picture. Immediately the flash goes off and it is followed by two people yelling out HEY !!!!!!!!!!!!! Like the big wuss I am, I turn and bolt out the door. Two steps and I’m in the car and we are on our way.

We didn’t get any chips that dark day in June, but we got something even more valuable: a great story and a great memory. Of course…..we got that great picture too.

From there went off to the Wild, Wild West Casino, where we had a great time ...but that story is for another day.