Let's honor Indignant People Day with this historical conversation between Queen Isabella and Christopher Columbus:

"So, Señor Columbus, finally you are back. I rent-a you three ships, you wreck-a one and the other two have Excess Mileage on them. We are not amused!

"Where is my chest of Tea?! I send you to the Indies for Tea and nothing you bring-a back. I have to keep using these stale leaves from Marco Polo. And pepper! No pepper for your Queenie? Looks like more huevos revueltos without pepper! What, you bring me tobacco leaves? You think Queen should smoke-a cigar? Hah! No way that!

"And this - a TITO from Treasure Bay in Lucaya, wherever that is. But, it has expired by now. Not worth a pesito!!

"Well, I hope you had the common sense to name these new lands after ME and not your dumb sidekick Poochie!* I should-a sent Verrazzano instead. At least HE would have brought me back a deep-dish New York pizza.

"Well, turn out your pockets and let's see what you did bring back for the Glory of España."

"Hmmmm. Some chips, some tokens which I can sell to the King of France - he's such a pushover for trinkets - a slot card that you can stick in . . . somewhere . . . and a large green lumpy fruit that looks like a male organ, which I shall name Avocatl so as not to offend Cardinal Cisneros and his Censors. OK, Señor, I guess I'll name you Admiral of the Ocean Sea. But you better come back with nicer stuff next time around! And pay the loss premium on that wrecked ship."

Happy Columbus Day, everyone!!!

* Unfortunately, history reveals that the New World was indeed named for Columbus' shady sidekick, Amerigo Ves Poochie. Can't win 'em all.