But all this reminds me of a story. A guy appears on the banks of the Mississippi River. He's dressed in armor and carrying a sword. He pulls out the sword and waves it around, claiming the River and all land it touches for Spain. He demands all the people gathering around him swear loyalty to the Spanish crown. By and by a policeman arrives and threatens him with jail if he doesn't drop the sword and leave at once.

The moral of this tale: If you want to have an Awesome Kewl Experience, don't engage in drunk and DeSoto-ly conduct.