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Inspirational Advice

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

On Life in General - Tee Shirt Worthy

Time doesn't exist. Clocks exist.

My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.

Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.

Sure, I'd love to help you out ... now, which way did you come in?

I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a coma.

I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

There is no dance without the dancers.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

If you are here - who is running hell?

If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.

Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.

Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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