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Groaners II

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
Does this taste funny to you?

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Did you hear about the two fat men who ran in the New York Marathon?
One ran in short bursts, the other in burst shorts!

How does an idiot call for his dog?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.

How are a chicken and a grape alike?
They are both purple... except for the chicken.

Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!

Where does a general keep his army?
In his sleevy.

What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?
One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

How do you catch a unique animal?
Unique up on him

Did you hear about the Olympic Gold Medal winner from Canada?
He loved his medal so much he had it bronzed.

Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 and 10...

Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
Because he was shellfish

Have you heard the joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made up yet.

What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
A dog with spare parts.

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
Take me to your weeder!

Why can't Irishmen ever be attorneys?
They can never make it past the bar!

What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.

Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was intense.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.

What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his orders.

What's a Wok?
Something you throw at a Wabbit.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderware!

What do you call a dwarf fortune teller who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!

Why did the ram go off the end of the cliff?
Because he didn't see the ewe turn.

Hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
One was a-salted.

Why did the dolphin kill himself?
He had no porpoise in his life!

Why shouldn't you tell a secret to a pig?
Because he's a squealer!

What do you call a cow who has had a abortion?
Decalfinated!

Where do you find a legless turtle?
Right where you left him!

What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.

What do you call a fly without wings or legs?
A roll.

Why didn't Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.
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