.
.

This is a test.

For the next thirty seconds, this Chip Board will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

This is only a test. Remain calm.

It has developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency.

If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been advised to go to your nearest shelter.

Repeat: This is only a test.

This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

Who remembers the real ones, back when we were a lot younger?
.
.