In keeping with the theme of the day...

"Donald Trump is so privileged that the first job he ever had to apply for was president of the United States." –Stephen Colbert

Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?
Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

How do you know you're reading one of Donald Trumps books?
It starts on Chapter 11.

I heard Donald Trump wants to deport criminals.....Great when does he leave.

Donald Trump wants to remake America in his own image, and when the mushroom clouds lift he will have done just that.

Donald Trump makes Archie Bunker look like a Democrat!

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
By renaming it Trump University.

What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?
"Let me see your birth certificate".

If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
The Trump Card

Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!

What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"

Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?
Because he never pays his debts.

Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?
By hunting and killing their own hair piece.

Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
Because all his other wives supported Hillary.

Fear is the Path to the dark side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to the Republican Nomination.

What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?
Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!

What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?
All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.

What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?
He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.

What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.

What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?
Hair Force One!

What did rural America tell Donald Trump?
You're Hired.

How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?
Cause your the only one Hair.

Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?
Because she would have to move into a smaller house.

What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?
No way Hose A.

How do you make Halloween great again?
By carving a Trumpkin.

Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?
Because E.T. eventually went home!

What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?
They both whine alot!

El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trump's body, dead or alive.
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.

What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?
The back of his head.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?
If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.

What do you call the Michael Moore film about Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and Joe Arpaio?
Three Ami-egos.

What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?
Snow White Supremacist.

How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.

How do you know the economy is only getting worse?
On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!

Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?
Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.

What's Donald Trump's favorite nation?
Discrimination.

Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.
Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.

What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?
Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.

What do Donald Trump, Dale Earnhardt & Pink Floyd have in common?
THE WALL

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a sewage plant?
Nothing they're both full of sh*t!.

Can I tell you a joke about the wall?
Never mind you won't get over it.

Did you hear about the new Netflix series with Donald Trump?
It's called "Orange is the New Racist".

Why does Donald Trump pick his nose?
Because he's the boogeyman.

You know what Trump has besides money?
A barber with a sense of humor.

What elephant ran for president?
Donald Trunk

What does Donald Trump and an adult movie star have in common?
They are both experts at switching positions in front of a camera.

Why isn't it surprising that Donald Trump wants to be President of the United States?
Because it's not the first time he has pushed a black family out of their home!

Have you seen the Clint Eastwood film about Donald Trump?
It's called "Billion Dollar Cry Baby".

What do you call it, when a brainless creature takes over the world?
The Trump-ocalypse.

Trump: Hispanics and "Never Trump", I don't want to taco bout it.

Reporter: "How about your tax returns?"
Trump: "Nacho Business"

How is this possible? Whenever I say something bad, I get in trouble.
Whenever Donald Trump says something bad, he gets more supporters.

9/11 Never Forget
11/9 Always Regret

I don't always insult entire nations, but when I do it's with Trumped-up charges.

American Criminals flee to Mexico and Mexican criminals flee to America.....Everybody needs to comb down.

I wonder if Donald Trump's Secret Service codename is "walnut". So when he enters a room the Secret Service can say "The wall nut has arrived."

Donald Trump is a builder, he's going to use the vast resources of the United States government to build a wall to protect our citizens, build a strong middle class, and most importantly build a machine to cure male pattern baldness.

Donald Trump is a successful investor........in the laughing stock market.

Donald trump hairline is receding faster than the shoreline on the 18th tee at his golf course in Ireland.

Donald Trump loves the "poorly educated" so much, that when he's president there will be more of them than ever.

How can Donald Trump be hostile to people of color when he himself is orange?

Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can't control his hair.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to paint a man orange and get him elected to be President!

Donald Trump and my child's diaper needs to be changed often. And for the same reason!

Trump and Pence or as I like to call them "Dumb and Dumb Hair"

Yo momma so ugly, Donald Trump tried to disconnect her from the internet.

Donald Trump Campaign Slogans
"We Shall Over Comb"
"No Amigos"
"Comb Over To The Dark Side"
"Don't Be A Chump, Vote For Trump"
"Everybody Needs to Comb Down"
"Make America White Again"
"Trump on the Bandwagon"
"Trump Speaks for U.S."
"Build That Wall"
"Drain The Swamp"

Anti-Trump Campaign Slogans
"You Can't Comb Over Racism"
"Deport Trump"
"Moving To Canada"
"Make America Kind Again"
"My Body My Choice"
"Trump Makes America Hate Again"
"Love Trumps Hate"
"No Human Life Is Illegal"
"Hate Ain't Great"
"Trade Trump for Refugees"

Donald Trumps Campaign Joke
Donald Trump is speaking at a campaign event in South Carolina. He asks if the crowd wants to hear a joke? The southern crowd goes "USA! USA! USA!"
What do you call 10 illegal immigrants on the moon? A problem.
What do you call 100 illegals on the moon? A problem.
What do you call 1000 illegals on the moon? Still a problem.
What do you call all of the illegal immigrants on the moon? Problem solved.