What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?
Undocumented democrats.

Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
The Country!

What drink do you get with the McObama Happy Meal in Pakistan?
No drink JUST ICE!

What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney?
"Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too"

Whats Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable?
Barackoli

What's the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Why shouldn't Democrats worry about losing the midterm elections?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.

What is Barack Obama telling Independents?
Orange Is NOT The New Black.

Why won't Barack Obama be celebrating his birthday?
Republicans won't let Democrats raise taxes on the rich let alone Barack Obama's age!

Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
He thought Barry sounded too American.

U.S Presidents and Statesmen are on every piece Of U.S. currency.
So Will Barack Obama Be Placed On The FoodStamp Card?

What kind of doctor do you need to fix Obamacare?
A URLologist

What is Barack Obamas favorite TV show?
Game of Drones.

What's the main difference between Romneycare and Obamacare?
The name.

Why did Barack Obama save the auto industry?
Because his shareholders are the American people!

Other than health care what other promises has Barack Obama made to the American People?
Balancing the budget, reining in the banks and putting a unicorn in every backyard!

Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
He accidently smoked it.

How did Barack Obama propose to Michelle Robinson?
He got down on one knee and said "I don't wanna be Obama self.

How do you know your doctor is not a fan of Obama's Health Care Plan?
He/she has remodeled the waiting room with death paneling.

Why can't Obama dance?
Cause he has two leftist feet.

What do you call a Nebraskan who hates Obama?
A CORNservative.

What's more unacceptable than another 4 years of Obamacare?
Another 8 years of Romneycare!

Dear Women voters,
Barack Obama lives in a house full of women.
Mitt Romney has binders full of women.

How is Obama going to make the tabacco industry pay for health care reform?
By allowing Marlboro Miles to be redeemed for health care coverage!

Did you hear about the reporter who asked Obama a hard question?
Neither have I!

How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform?
By giving their mistresses free breast implants!

Will health care be different under Barack Obama's new reforms?
No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then!

Why do you want Obama in your band?
He has smoked rocks and knows how to roll (weed).

Why is Healthcare reform so important to the enigmatic Barack Obama?
His pregnant mom was turned away from many hospitals and was forced to give birth in a manger!

Why is it pointless for Barack Obama to hold Senior Citizens Q & A sessions on the internet?
Because microwave ovens don't have internet connections!

Under Obama's health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions?
Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment!

Why has America gotten past our racist past?
Because we picked a black man to clean up our mess!

Republicans: "Obama would not have won without blacks, Hispanics, gays or Jews."
Democrats: "Or as we like to call them: Americans"

How can Barack Obama get the rich to pay their taxes?
By nominating them to a cabinent post!

What did Barack Obama tell Al Qaida after Osama Bin Laden's death?
Don't put your contact info on the Playstation Network!

Did you hear who Barack Obama thinks is more dangerous than Dictators in the Middle East?
Reverend Jeremiah Wright and a microphone!

Why is it surprising that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are related?
Because Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party!

Why shouldn't Sarah Palin look into Barack Obama's campaign contributions after learning "Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad?"
It turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey!

Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
To help the other side!

A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.
The bartender says hello Mr. President.

Did you hear that Barack Obama and Kanye West are releated?
Apparently they both think they are the son of god.

Whats Obama's new slogan in these tough times?
Spare Change You Can Believe In!

Why is it not surprising that Republicans lost two presidental races to Obama?
In long races usually the guy from Kenya wins.

Did you know that McDonald's is offering the Obama Happy Meal?
Order anything you want. And the guy behind you has to pay for it.

What's the difference between Obama and God?
God doesn't think he is Obama

What is the difference between Obama and Jesus?
Jesus can put a cabinet together

How does Obama sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Which person did President Obama thank first for helping him win the 2008 election?
Sarah Palin

Why should Obama have choosen Evan Bayh for Vice President?
The name Birch Evans Bayh III makes Barack Hussein Obama sound almost normal.

Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
The ink isn't dry yet.

Why VOTE?
The U.S.A. Is an Obama-Nation !

Why won't Obama laugh at himself?
Because it would be racist.

Did you hear about the new Obama Diet?
You let Putin eat your lunch every day.

What did George W Bush say after hearing Barack Obama admitted to using cocaine in high school?
"High school? I can't believe he waited that long."

How does President Obama plan to address the countries immigration problems?
By deporting Senator Ted Cruz.

What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
Barack Obama!

Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
Because it's too easy to make jokes at Mitt Romney's expense.

What does Obama do after a wet dream?
Get up and screw the country.

Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?
He didn't want any Bushes at the White House.

Why does Obama always talk in circles?
He has two left shoes.

Why are Obamas ratings so low?
I don't know but let me be clear, Obama will get go the bottom of it and the IRS will hold them accountable.

What is Obama's archenemy?
The constitution

What does OBAMA stand for?
One Big Ass Mistake America.

The pentagon has changed strategies in the war against ISIS.
Instead of sending cruise missles they are sending Obamas Economic Advisors.

Mitt Romney puts women in Binders. Obama puts Women on the "Supreme Court"

28% of Americans voted for President Obama just because they enjoy watching white people embarrass themselves after he wins.

If Obama controlled Halloween, would he take all the candy from the kids trick-or-treated and give it to the kids who didn't trick-or-treat?

If Barack Obama has a mandate to do anything, it's to raise Mitt Romney's taxes

Richard Nixon put a man on the moon, Barack Obama put a man in the womens room.