Hi Charles,
I would offer two suggestions.
1) Stop making snide comments about our Board. Putting a happy face after an insult doesn't make it OK.
2) Why not offer some real help? Rather than tell the Board what they need to do, how about making it your project? You should ask first but I wouldn't think the Board would have a problem if you contacted DeVos and produced a proposal. What would they charge, how much time would they need from our volunteer Board and what do they forecast they could produce for our Club? Then make the case that those results are worth the time and expense.
My two cents.