.
.
From the files of the somewhat shy and retiring Abie...

IF ONLY THEY HAD A JEWISH MOTHER...

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you
call a smile?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."

MICHELANGELO¹S JEWISH MOTHER:
"A ceiling you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the
other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off
the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON¹S JEWISH MOTHER:
"You're not hiding your report card? Show me! Take your hand out of
your jacket and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with that hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other
kids?"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Okay, so I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now
turn it off already and go to sleep!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight
is long past your bedtime!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Your senior photograph and you couldn't have done something with
your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
"Desert, schmesert! Where have you really been for the last forty years?"

BILL GATES' JEWISH MOTHER:
"It would have killed you to become a doctor?"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl, that - Monica."
.
.


.
.