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Dragnet, a most perspicacious gentleman who lives a bit southwest, sent
this collection...

To those of you not versed in Canadian, Newfies are people from Newfoundland,
who are thought of like Rednecks.
19 Newfies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Buddy replies, "The film said 18 or over."

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet
shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so
I pushed her over.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM. Can you believe that... 2:30 AM?
Lucky for him I was still up practicing my Bagpipe.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but
must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as
a cow. I said "You're obviously not listening."

The wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when she
suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has traveled the world, swum with sharks,
wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his
name was Bindair Dundat.
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