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I've had this pair of oldies for so long, that I've forgotten who sent them...

Theater Seats For Seniors

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned
with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the
old disheveled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's
your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

In obvious discomfort with a terrible grunt in his voice, and without moving,
Fred replied... "The balcony."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Tap on the Shoulder

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times ...

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Stafford station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder
to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.

Then the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared
the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab; I've been driving a hearse for
more than 25 years."
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