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A pair of grandparent jokes...

Wisdom of a Dying Grandfather

An aging Brooklyn mobster lay on his deathbed.

He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I want you lissin ta me.
I want you to take my 38 revolver so you always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns… How about you leave me your
Rolex watch instead?"

"You listen ta me, boy! Some-a day you gonna be run-a da business,
you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, big-a home and maybe
a couple-a bambinos."

Catching his breath, he continued: "Some-a day you gonna come-a
home and maybe find-a you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta
you gonna do then? Point-a to you watch and say, Times up?”

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Birth Control For Grandma

The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of
her life, finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the
medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through the list, his eyes grew wide
as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL Pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee...."Yes, dear, I
know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass
of orange juice that my 16 year old Granddaughter drinks. Believe
me, it definitely helps me sleep at night."
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