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An oldie, but a funny one...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it,
he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their
eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross
the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why
the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle
ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side
of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This
new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

...but the real answer is:
It crossed the road to prove to the possum it can be done.