.
.
The Revenoor, a most discerning gentleman from out west where it's a lot warmer
than it is here on the East Coast, sent this one advising that human intelligence is MIA
and presumed dead...

Miscellaneous Dope Awards

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s
windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing
a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying
to repair what Police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain
the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton,
NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for
the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when
he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto
skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his
death. A Police spokesman said, "Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
buildings windows to visiting law students."

Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police
reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto
Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer members of this law firm are like.

Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric
chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison.
While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into
a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
"A Dunkirk, IN, man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face," Sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 pm.
Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54 caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in a Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a
wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony."

Finally, THE WINNER: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near
Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and
Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On
an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the.22 caliber bullets from his
pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the
bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the River, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right,
exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will
never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on
that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife, Lavinia, asked how many frogs the boys had
caught, and did anyone get them from the truck?

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required
by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove
himself from the gene pool.
.

.
.