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The Revenoor, a most discerning and astute gentleman from out west,
forwarded this compendium of hard-won advice...

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be meetings.

3. There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT EVER use, as
His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody somewhere will find a way to take
it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

16. “The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

And this one is a personal favorite of mine, courtesy of the late British
philosopher, Bertrand Russell (1872 -1970):
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that
one's work is terribly important.
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