Two men were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,
and family values.

Bill said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”

Larry replied, “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”
___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?”

The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine.”
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“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court
Judge said, “And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,”

“That's very fair, your honor, the husband said. “And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your
wife at all.”

“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids.”
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replies, “Just a minute.”

“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed?” asked one detective.

“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.

“A golf gun! What is a golf gun?”

“I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”
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Moe: “My wife got me to believe in religion.”
Joe: “Really?”

Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.”
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and
asks him how he is feeling.

I”m OK. I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,”
he answered.

“What did he say,” asked the nurse.

“Oops!”
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.

“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a two piece or an all-in-one?”

“Better get the two piece,” he replied. “You'd never get it all in one.”