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Abie, a somewhat shy and retiring gentleman who lives southwest, sent this one on simple truths...

SIMPLE TRUTH #1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH # 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, Congratulations.
But, none of them touch the man's johnson and say, Good job.
Moral of the story: Hard work is never appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the SOBs name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they'll remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

AND FINALLY
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
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