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A compendium of signs...

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES,
ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR
FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW
TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE
DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
Really? Ya think?

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
Now that's taking things a bit far!

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
What a guy!

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDENT
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
I can see where it might have that effect!

IS STRIKE DOESN'T GET SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE
Ya think?

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
Who would have thought!

ENFIELD (LONDON) COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
They may be on to something!

RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTING: FACES BATTERY CHARGE
He probably IS the battery charge!

NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
Weren't they fat enough?

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
Do they taste like chicken?

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is:
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD
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