A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming
to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a
big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push #3.
When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Bubbie, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What? You're coming empty handed?"

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Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying.

He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a
my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But Papa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a
beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." Pausing
for breath, he continues: "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you
wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and
say, times up?"

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An Irish blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed just a little
intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."

And, with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue
yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I
really won!"

She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and very quickly
departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."