.
.
Two short ones...

The Carpet Installer

A carpet layer had just finished installing broadloom for a lady.

He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his pack
of cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense
pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself.
He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing
him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway."

"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Aging Explorer

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged
but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him
the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles
of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was
behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the
path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had
fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done
the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"
.