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Rosh Hashanah - 5774

On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, Rivka went into the bedroom to wake her son
and tell him it was time to get ready to go to the synagogue.

He replied in a dull voice, "I'm not going."

"And why not?" Rivka demanded.

"l will give you two good reasons, Mother," he said. "One, they don't like me, and
two, I don't like them."

Rivaka replied in an exasperated voice, "So, I'll give you two good reasons why you
must go to the synagogue. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the Rabbi."

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At The Temple

Joseph, a deeply religious man, went to temple one Sabbath and forgot his prayer
shawl (tallit), so he borrowed one from "the rack" at the temple.

At the end of the service, he realized that he really liked this tallit so much so that he
actually decided to stuff it down the front of his trousers and take it home.

After the service when he was walking through the reception line, the Rabbi Lionel
stopped him and whispered, "Joseph, I am sorry, but I saw you stuff a tallit down
your pants. Why would you do such a thing?"

Joseph, totally embarrassed and ashamed, explained the situation, whereupon
Rabbi Lionel suggested he remove it from his trousers and give it back. By now,
the tallit had managed to slide half-way down his leg. While Joseph was bent over
pulling it out of his pant leg, he accidentally and very loudly passed gas.

Rabbi Lionel, exasperated, said, "Joseph... you took the Shofar (Ram's horn) too?"
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