I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd,
starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and
plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be
lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering
is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

~~~~~~~

Company Memo

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize
that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, although
unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." This
same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

~~~~~~~

Company Memo

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, "AA Only,",you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

~~~~~~~

Company Memo

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy
month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not
accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take
it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert
buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed
to sit with each other. Lesblans do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their
own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing
be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House
suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply
"no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

~~~~~~~

Company Memo

I've had it with you vegetarian shltheads! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death,"
as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f__ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard t
hem scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f__ing weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bltch from Hell

~~~~~~~

Company Memo

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.