~~~ and St. Peter asks:

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"

"Well, I can think of one thing," the guy offers. "Once, on a trip to Georgia, I came upon a gang of big, mean-looking bikers who were threatening a young woman. I asked them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the biggest and most heavily-tatooed biker -- smacked him on the head; kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. Then I told him to leave her alone or he will answer to me...!"

St. Peter was impressed and asked:

"When did this happen?"

...and the guy said:

"Just a few minutes ago..."