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On Retirement, Serenity and Senility...

RETIREMENT Q&A

Q - How many days in a week?
A - 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Q - When is a retiree's bedtime?
A - Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Q - How many retirees to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but it might take all day.

Q - What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A - There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q - Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
A - The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q - Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A - Tied shoes.

Q - Why do retirees count pennies?
A - They are the only ones who have the time.

Q - What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A - NUTS!

Q - Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A - They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Q - What do retirees call a long lunch?
A - Normal.

Q - What is the best way to describe retirement?
A - The never ending Coffee Break.

Q - What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A - If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q - Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A - He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....
Q - What do you do all week?
A - Monday through Friday, NOTHING… Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
“How old was your husband?'
“98,” she replied.. “Two years older than me.”
“So you're 96,” the undertaker commented.
She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked..
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Note: My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

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