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Beef, a witty gentleman of razor sharp wit, sent this one about a most virtuous
Irish lady...

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady - a virgin, and very proud
of the fact. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, she desired
to make sure everything was in proper order before her passing. She went to
the village's undertaker (who also happened to be the town's postal clerk ) to
make proper final arrangements.

As her last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following
inscription engraved on her tombstone:

~~BORN A VIRGIN~~
~LIVED AS A VIRGIN~
~~DIED A VIRGIN~~

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully in her sleep.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the
tombstone that the lady had requested it became quite apparent that the stone
she had selected was much too small for the wording she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request
considering the very limited space available on the very small piece of stone.

For days he agonized over the dilemma ... until finally his experience as a postal
worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution
to the problem.

The tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and read as follows:

~~RETURNED UNOPENED~~
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