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AARP Quiz

Q. Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gee, I remember these."

Games for When We Are Older

~ Sag, you're It.
~ Hide and go pee.
~ 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
~ Kick the bucket
~ Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
~ Musical recliners.
~ Simon says something incoherent.
~ Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

OLD IS WHEN:

~ Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
~ You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
~ Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
~ Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
~ An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
~ A Friend Is Like A Good Bra -- Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

THOUGHTS FOR THE COMING WEEK

~ I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
~ When I was young we used to go skinny dipping, now I just chunky dunk.
~ Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press Ctrl Alt Delete and start all over?
~ Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
~ My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
~ Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
~ If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
~ Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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