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Dragnet, a very discerning gentleman who lives southwest,
sent this one on the subject of Grandparents...

ANSWERING MACHINE FOR GRANDPARENTS

Good morning ... At present we are not at home, but please
Leave your message after you hear the beep.

beeeeeppp ...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option
from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered
to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money,press 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater,
start talking - we are listening!
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WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of
their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we
come to see them …

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they
drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty
leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also
why we shouldn't step on cracks.

They don't say, Hurry up.

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like Why isn't God married?
and How come dogs chase cats?

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask
for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't
have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend
time with us.

They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say
prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD
THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART
AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame
their dog.
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