.
.
This is a time of resolutions. I made one resolution many years
ago and I have stuck to it: I resolved to no longer make resolutions.
The following are some alternative affirmations for a new year.

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner
sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels
of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are
someone else's fault.

4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, groan, whimper,
and complain.

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a
lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

8. I am at one with my duality.

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and
local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are
no sweeter words than I told you so!

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear.
Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying
about the future.

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is
working.

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets
angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
.
.

.
.