Carols For the Psycho Challenged

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees
and Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock... (better start again)

Passive/Aggressive Disorder: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love
Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

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For Calls to The Psychiatric Hot-line During the Holidays

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 4.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 1, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you
want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic (or are hearing voices) listen carefully and
a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware
that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and
about to bite off your ear.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button
until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and
grandmother's maiden names.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep.
Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again in a
few minutes.